The Buffalo Are Winded and the Elk Are Jerks

http://xroads.virginia.edu/~hyper/JOURNALS/LEWIS.html

(This journal is dedicated to brave explorers everywhere. Just because it has all already been discovered, doesn't mean you can't strap on your metal framed backpack and just hike down the road.)

I had a weekend day off for the first time in a long time that didn't involve me calling in sick or just plain scamming my way into it, which was nice, but I still woke up with the same feeling of doom I wake up with every morning, which always comes to the highest fruition when I am in the shower. I take some of the most depressing showers known to man at this point. I wake up and sit there while the water pelts me somewhat uncaringly and I think about what I am going to do with my life. Also, I am fat now so sitting there naked, vulnerable, and chubby really ruins my day.

Amanda has been great and is doing her best to cheer me up, so since we had a day off together, we went on a picnic to Jester Park. Jester Park, for those unaware, has an exhibit with Elk and Bison. The Elk were standoffish as they wanted nothing more than to bathe in their pond filled with Elk guano and clumps of hair (which is still probably cleaner than any of the man made lakes that humans are allowed to inhabit in this area) but the bison spent a lot of time right by the fence, which was neat, except for how hard they were panting. It made me feel uncomfortable, like they could die at any moment. It was like playing hockey with some of the old guys I play with now.

We set up our blanket under a tree in a semi secluded, yet somehow also wide open, campground and ate some tuna sandwiches and I tried to pretend that I wasn't constantly thinking about work. At one point, though, I just plopped backwards into the grass and stared at the clouds. And suddenly, I stopped thinking about my issues. I am not sure what it was, but staring at the clouds, trying to guess what the shapes were, watching as they would either disperse into thin puffs of Marlboro smoke (according to those Truth.com ads all the clouds are made of nicotine now, right?) or join forces into one super cloud, really put me at ease. It was like time slowed down for one moment, and I was here with my girl, and it was beautiful outside and there was nothing wrong with me. It was a weird calming moment, where I literally didn't have any worries other than if that cloud looked like a fish or a bunny. I want every moment to feel that way.

Of course, since I am me, I immediately started worrying that I was wasting a day off and then I started thinking about work and if anyone was ever going to call and offer me a real job and if Miguel Torres was going to beat Maeda and if the Wings were going to finish off the Pens lead by their bearded *snicker* superstar and if I was going to have enough money to survive the next two weeks when I get paid again and then if that was going to be enough to pay the electric bill. But for about three minutes I was completely at ease with the world and everything around me. I even took a couple of pictures of the clouds with my cell phone, hoping maybe if I had visual reminders of how awesome those few moments were, I would somehow get transported back there. So far, it hasn't worked.